Though Highly Sensitive Power is not being added to, there’s still enough traffic to the site (which makes me happy) to warrant adding tools for searchers. I want you to have an easy time finding what you needed in the two years of articles here supporting sensitivity and creativity.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at my new website, The Curious Writer (a field guide for finding your own way).

I hope you’re thriving, well, and happy.

Love,
Grace

I’m going through a growth spurt. It’s messy and unpleasant. I wobble without cease. My foundation keeps shifting.

Not that I’m knocking growth spurts. No, indeed. A hefty growth spurt, one that knocks the pins out from underneath to make way for a stronger platform to jump from, often does the heavy lifting required to get from here to the next level.

The nature of a growth spurt is that it’s a blip, a bell curve, a temporary push. We tolerate the upheaval to get to the down slope and the richer pastures beyond.

What’s needed are tools for getting through intact. Mini cease-and-desist moments inserted into the swirling maelstrom offer breathing room and calm, even if only briefly. Plus, they seem to add up, reducing the overall hyperventilation level to more sustainable doggy panting.

The core Growth Spurt Management tactic I use is an elbow-room list, a catalogue of things that make me disengage temporarily, even if only momentarily. I craft the list with brutal honesty, only listing things that really work for me, such as:

1. Listen to monumentally cheesy English-lyric Latin dance songs (no, I won’t tell you who) on my MP3 player (audio privacy, in this case, is utterly crucial; the last thing I need during a growth spurt is to be made fun of).
2. Talk to my mother, who’s a fathomless source of unconditional love. She really gets me.
3. Meditate, however I can, even if I feel like I’m only trying, and even if only for seconds at a time.
4. Write in my journal. Write as many pages as possible – there’s no such thing as too much, unless my writing hand flops over in fatigued surrender, which has been known to happen.
5. Indulge in stories – novels, DVD movies – that take me far away.
6. Watch the British TV series Sharpe, for a role model of courage, integrity, and growing through tough spots rather than trying to avoid them.
7. Walk alone in nature, particularly along deserted country lanes where no one will notice if I stump along like Frankenstein and drool.
8. Take photos of whatever the heck I want, even if I don’t remotely understand why I’m doing it.
9. Lie on the bed with the door closed and focus on breathing through my heart.
10. Write and post the articles I most need to read.

During frighteningly intense growth spurt phases, I carry my list around in a pocket during the day and hold it in my fist as I fall asleep at night.

Related reading: Pep Talk | Keel Over, Successfully Sensitive | Richard Sharpe

Flickr photo: Brussel sprout seedlings, by Librarianguish

~

“But the normal filtering mechanism on his mind had been stripped away. The tiniest of sights, sounds, smells competed with the big ones for his attention. It felt like looking at ten million blades of grass and being unable to see a lawn.”

~

From Laurie R. King’s Touchstone,
a novel about a highly sensitive man

~

Flickr photo: You can almost see the grass grow, by aussiegall

Oh crap. A glance in the rear-view mirror shows a cop car closing in. I’m so nailed, in so many ways. I turn right onto a dirt road, park, and wait. By the time the cop’s gadget-festooned torso fills my open widow, blocking the sun, I’m ready.

“Registration and insurance,” he says, holding out his hand. But I know the glove box is empty. “I don’t have either,” I say, handing him, instead, the bill of sale for this car, bought five minutes ago a kilometre up the road. “I’m on my way to the insurance office now.” The office is only 15 metres further, just around the next bend.

“Please get out of the car, ma’am.” I do. He circles the car. “You’re looking at hefty fines for driving without insurance or plates.” [$598 + $196] “Plus, you can’t drive this car now – it’s illegal for it to be on the road – and you can’t leave it here, so I’m going to have to call a tow truck.” [$65]

I take a deep breath, look him in the eye, and focus. It’s time to sell, my way. I speak softly. “My husband and I just moved here last week and the moving expenses were much higher than we’d expected.” I look around for something to offer him as a way out. “The Commons parking lot is right across the road,” I say. “If you allow me to drive across the road and park there while I walk to the insurance office and get the documentation and plates, I’d be very grateful. I’d be quick about it.” He perks up a little, as though negotiations invigorate him.

“Nope,” he says, “I can’t let you do that.” I say nothing, sensing that, with this cop, begging is not the way to go. We gaze at each other. I remain silent and still.

“May I see your driver’s license?” he asks. I hand it over. “This still has your Vancouver address,” he says. “Your license must show your current address.” I take a small step backwards. “I’m sorry,” I say. “About all of this. Our move has been somewhat stressful.” I pause. He waits. I go on with another offer of a way out. “Do you think the insurance company can help me register my new address?”

He looks at me speculatively, my driver’s license still in his hand, and makes a decision. “Turn the car around and park it up under those trees, off the road. I’ll give you two hours to take care of the paperwork and get plates on the car.” I immediately get into the car and move it. Meanwhile, he writes away on his handy ticket-writer device. I’m not out of the woods yet.

“I’m giving you a warning for driving without a current license.” He writes a while longer, then glances up. “You’re getting a very good deal here.” I smile hesitantly. “That’s really very kind of you,” I say, and I mean it. Adrenaline starts to seep away. He hands me all the documents and drives off. Within the hour, the car is all in order and gone.

What does all of that have to do with the power of positive shrinking?

I’m not cut out for big gestures, for the mighty sell or the calculated batting of eyelashes. I don’t do manipulation very well, or tricks, or subterfuge. But I’m a whiz at genuine and honest and reasonable and thoughtful. I’m good at laser-focused reasoning under pressure. And I’m easy to believe because I’m naturally honest and intensely honourable.

I’m like a black hole where falseness goes to die.

Don’t try to be big if your natural talents are all about the incredible, concentrated, unique power of small.

Related reading: Pep Talk | Tenderize

Flickr photo: walking in australia, by banjobelknap

We care about process. We value details. Each step on the journey from A to B is worthy of pride. We’re all about the honour of deep quality.

…What? The deadline passed? But my application took weeks to complete. It’s a work of art, a sure thing.

…He died? You’re kidding, right? But that means he’ll never know. I was still thinking about what I wanted to say to him, making sure I’d say it in the best way.

The best way does not always get the job done.

Sometimes, the most effective way to sink the arrow into the bull’s-eye is to walk up to the target with the arrow in your hand and shove it into the centre circle. When you’re judged on completion, not prowess, sloppy methods can close the gap between done and not done.

I loathe housework. We’re between housecleaners at the moment. To fill the gap, I sporadically and randomly use wads of fresh toilet paper to “clean up” in the bathroom. Yes, I use precious paper, even though there’s a sponge under the sink, inches away. Is this a failing? No. It’s the sloppy method that gives me both sanity and a bathroom I’m willing to show a guest.

Sloppy methods combined with devious bribery create rocket propulsion for crossing finish lines. Ditch reward’s goody-goody feel for bribery’s overt wickedness. Sometimes, for some tasks, the dark side of completion beckons.

…If I get my holiday gifts into the mail on time, even if they’re super sloppily wrapped, I get not only an immediate new release DVD rental, but dinner out at that place where the chef’s choice sushi platter brings me to my knees in reverence. And a hot bath, with two eucalyptus packets, at noon. Ha!

If it’s worth getting done, sacrifice perfection to do it. Gain loot instead.

Related reading: The Power of Equal and Opposite Forces, Pep Talk | Set the Timer

Flickr photo: Perfect Shot, by TheMarque

Pardon my dust.
Today is moving day.
I’m surrounded by packing boxes
and psyching myself up
to drive a moving van
across the busy city,
onto two different ferries,
and down some dirt roads.
Wish us luck.
Stay tuned.

Flickr photo: david eastman, by coco+kelly

“When you realize that change depends on relationships, then you can seek a ‘change agent’ much as you do any other important, emotionally charged relationship with a person or community. … [And] when you find the right relationship, anything is possible.”
~ Alan Deutschman, Change or Die

“Fear is excitement without breathing.”
~ Fritz Perls

* * *

Flickr photo: Skydiving Vietnam, Mario and James, by divemasterking2000

When the swirl of life pushes me toward overwhelm, my automatic response is to rush toward stimulus minimus. But there’s an error of perspective there.

What I really want is stimulus maximus, just like everyone else on the planet. I want the maximum input that I can handle. I want Life, with a capital L. I want vitality and breathtaking wonder and revelations complete with operatic accompaniment.

If all of that comes to me in a different way than it comes to the majority of humans, is it any less maximus? Of course not. Maximus is relative. It’s only minimus by comparison. Sure, the way I get off can look like stimulus minimus (a riveting idea, a colour combination seen in passing from a bus window, a silly look exchanged with my nephew), but only if compared with someone who’s different – like someone who whoops it up on the bus, all the way to the bungee-jumping festival.

Comparison damages our souls. Consider yourself worthy of the full package: all senses firing at maximum capacity, tuned, honed, and giddy – thriving in your very own, very valid version of Life with a capital L.

Shove all those other people off the scale. Recalibrate. Find your own stimulus maximus.

“Sometimes I go about pitying myself
And all the while I am being carried across the sky
By beautiful clouds.”
~ Ojibway Indian saying

Flickr photo: Free sunset flamingo pink…, by D Sharon Pruitt of Pink Sherbet Photography

Related reading: Avoid the Rush – Finish Last, Successfully Sensitive | Jo Martin

I’ve successfully used this process to help people finalize web pages, media kit resources, emails, letters, articles, and much else.

I’m good at helping people translate all kinds of things into words, including instructions and emotions (tough letters to family members, for instance, can be written with both power and kindness).

Here’s how it works:

1. You send an email to me telling me a bit about you and your project: grace@highlysensitivepower.com.
2. If I can help, we schedule a phone appointment that’s appropriate for the size of the project. I do this kind of writing/editing work on Wednesdays and Fridays between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. Pacific Time.
3. I bill you via PayPal (which accepts major credit cards) at a rate of CAD$35/hour (temporary summer rate) and send an invoice to you for your records, via email. Payment is required before the session begins.
4. You email to me the Word document or documents you’re in the process of writing. Yes, there needs to be work in progress to begin with. I don’t write for you from scratch. The process works best when you’re clear about the purpose you have for the written piece. The more thought you put into the piece before you send it to me, the easier you may find our session to be, since I’ll ask clarifying questions if something seems unclear to me. I’ll never judge you or criticize the writing you send – it wouldn’t even occur to me to do so. I’ll only help you say what you want to say how you want to say it. That’s one of the ways I enjoy helping to empower people.
5. During the phone session, we edit together – each of us looking at the document at the same time. I listen and suggest, confer and tweak. I make the edits on my computer as we talk. Depending on your degree of interest in learning how to improve your writing, I can also tell you what and why I’m making the changes I suggest as we go along. By the end of the session I have a document to email back to you with the revisions already completed.

For future reference, this information is also available on the Services page. There’s a link to the Services page via the blog sidebar – under the Goods heading, and via the Goods page.

* * *

Flickr photos: us vs. them, by chaosinjune

Like heroes throughout time, when we confront tough passages to freedom we’re prompted to weigh pros and cons. Is the trial of the journey worth the goal or can I be satisfied just staying like this? It’s not such a bad life I have now, really. Sort of.

What turns the tide? What motivates us to lace the boots, heft the pack, and stride or stumble forward? And what stops us from doing so?

Two big detours come from people who want to change us and people we want to change. A journey of empowerment only succeeds when we change because we want to change. It’s personal. Wanting others to change before we can succeed puts the power in their hands. Seeking approval for the journey also puts the power into hands other than our own.

“No one can solve problems for someone whose problem is that they don’t want problems solved.”
~ Richard Bach, One

“Whatever anyone else thinks about me is none of my business.”
~ Michael J. Fox, Lucky Man: A Memoir

The shortest distance between you and your empowered dreams is the path you choose, coupled with your willingness to travel that path alone. Not alone as in “lonely.” Alone as in “only one of you, ever.” Reaching for your own empowerment means making a commitment to yourself, inside yourself – a pact between you and you, and no one else. Only then do you tap the fortitude, assistance, guidance, and miracles that pull you toward the people and situations made for you alone – the glorious one and only you.

Flickr photo: Some times I believe I can fly, by R’eyes

Related reading: Hero Practice, Pep Talk | Keep the Faith