What’s it like to wear a bespoke suit, a suit custom-made to fit me and only me? I want a life like that. I want a plan, a pattern, a path that takes into consideration all the weird, unruly, shocking, steadfast little and big things that combine to shape me. But how?

“The word bespoke itself is derived from the verb to bespeak, to ‘speak for something,’ in the specialized meaning ‘to give order for it to be made.’”
~ Wikipedia entry for Bespoke

What plan speaks for me? Cookie-cutter solutions need not apply. If I can’t make it fit me, if I can’t make it mine, all mine, then forget it. I’ve scoured office supply stores, art supply stores, read books and websites by goal gurus and earnest cheerleaders of every stripe and found only an elite few who make the cut, including these two…

For the past two weeks I’ve been pulling together a strategic planner for 2010, guided by what artist and business school graduate (a combination that thrills me) Lisa Sonora Beam does for herself every year. Although I’m still creating my plan, the power inherent in the thoroughly self-customized system has already taken me so far further along my way than I’d imagined possible that I’m almost scared to continue. The zoom is palpable. For more about this intensely customizable system, see Lisa Sonora Beam’s “Goal Setting for Creatives: My 2010 Strategic Planner.”

One of the zoomy surprises to burst forth from my 2010 Strategic Planner process is that a friend offered to sponsor my fees for an e-course that seems perfectly designed to help me further custom-make my life: Susannah Conway’s Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Self, which combines photography, journaling, comrades, Susannah’s strong heart, and the promise of deep self-connection.

The primary goal of both systems is to put me in touch with myself in a way that encourages invention, supports forgiveness and acceptance, and fills the silence with my voice, even if I choose to be quiet. What could be more fittingly comfortable than that?

Related reading: Book | The Creative Entrepreneur, by Lisa Sonora Beam

Flickr photo: (untitled), by bird_flew

I love this clear statement from Julie Cusmariu’s website: “At the root of Julie’s mission and philosophy is that we can best serve the world when we first serve ourselves.” This speaks directly to the sensitive soul’s challenges of balancing our own needs with the needs of others and finding empowerment.

Extensively trained and wonderfully easy to connect with, Julie helps people develop intuition as a tool for tuning in – to ourselves and others – through her coaching, consulting, writing, website, blog, and radio broadcasts.

In every one of Julie’s broadcasts I’ve listened to and in the online pages and emails I’ve read, her calming manner, deep wisdom, and genuine willingness to listen and learn shine through.

* * *

In what way are you most successfully sensitive?

In understanding what I need most in order to feel good and be at my best in any given situation and in understanding others and the environment in which we are in. My sixth sense (aka intuition) works in partnership with my five senses and thus I stay informed, aware, and open to my environment and the possibilities.

What or who has inspired you to embrace your sensitivity?

Lots of important teachers, mentors, and therapists along the way. My life partner has played a pivotal role in inspiring me to embrace my sensitivity. His incredible emotional sensitivity and his willingness to be vulnerable have enabled me to love and accept this sensitivity in myself. My mother is very intuitive and through her way of being I see what sensitivity feels and looks like.

What are your eternal fascinations?

An interesting question! Well, I’m eternally fascinated by the sky and the earth. This idea of Mother Earth fascinates me. The subtle energies I cannot see but can sense and wonder about eternally fascinate me. What also fascinates me to an infinite end is the strength of the human spirit.

What quest currently captivates you?

The quest to not have a quest! And at the same time, the quest to experience peace in each moment and also to experience moments of great fun and excitement. That’s no small or unfamiliar quest for me!

What is your favourite kind of help to give?

The kind that allows me to be me while inviting others to be themselves as they open to who they truly are and to all the infinite possibilities available to them. To give the kind of support that heals, uplifts, and inspires.

* * *

For more information, explore Julie’s blog and radio broadcasts.

Photo from Julie’s blog.

Related reading: Successfully Sensitive | Saskia Röell, Personal Symbology and Intuition

Saskia walks her talk. She teaches what she naturally knows: how to let the soul lead the way. In her Amazon-bestselling book A Suitcase Full of Faith: How One Woman Found Her Dream Trusting the Compass of Her Soul, she shows how it’s done, using the stories of her own rich life as teaching tools and thus making the learning fun.

Through Illuminated Transformation – her Transformational Life Coach practice – Saskia helps people get to the nitty-gritty of what’s in the way and discover which way to go by using the powerful tools of faith and courage. She’s a master. And she firmly believes you’re a master, too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In what way are you most successfully sensitive?

I’ve danced my way through life as a feeler, sensing my way into every decision. I ask myself, “How do I feel about this or that?” My logical mind has not been in the way. I’ve dreamed big and thought everything was possible as long I followed the compass of my soul. That deep place of inner knowing has guided me safely and, indeed, has led me to the fulfillment of many dreams. I traveled through Africa, Asia, Egypt, Japan, Israel, China, and Europe in my quest to understand what life was about. My life’s path is a reflection of me following the bigger journey of my soul. Now I take great pleasure from helping others tune in to and trust their own deep feelings and find their own life’s path.

What or who has inspired you to embrace your sensitivity?

As a young girl growing up in a family of seven in Holland I was blessed with parents who stimulated and praised my uniqueness. They placed very few limits. I had a lot of freedom to express myself in the way I wanted. Growing up, I thought everyone was like me. I didn’t know I was unusually sensitive until I was older. The more I’ve acknowledged myself for who I am, the more I’ve learned to care for my own sensitivity.

I learn a lot about what I need to do to support my sensitivity by noticing contrasts. For example, when my family and I first moved to America seven years ago, our summer was filled with guests from Holland. The house was full for three long months. Guess what? When everyone finally left, the house drifted back into serenity and I could hear the sounds of the ocean again. I realized I had ignored my yearning to be with Me, and therefore lost myself. I realized that I need to be alone for some part of every day in order to feel connected with the divine in me.

I need to be aware of when I become overly dramatic and remind myself not be caught up in a story, but to focus on the true Me instead. To be so deeply in touch with my feelings is a challenge and a blessing at the same time.

What are your eternal fascinations?

The journey of the soul. How can I embrace and express my divinity full-force in this life? I’m fascinated by the idea that my purpose is not about me, but about the divine within me. The last phrase of my book A Suitcase Full of Faith, is “living on the bare feet of my soul, fearless and free,” which is about saying, “Yes. Here I am,” and expressing my unique purpose, no matter what.

What else? How our inner world always reflects the outer world. How faith bridges the gap between our aspirations and the manifestation of our dreams. That fear is a figment of the mind and faith is a virtue of the soul. How my five children have such a zest for life, how they live with an endless amount of faith and trust in the goodness of life. How gratitude brings us into the highest vibration.

What quest currently captivates you?

To follow the deep Yes within me. To see what happens when I let go and let God. When my faith is strengthened there is no need to have control. Things flow as they will and I flow with them.

What is your favourite kind of help to give?

Through my writing and coaching, I help people connect with their joy, passion, and purpose. I teach the art of shedding baggage: How to let go of the past and step into your own spotlight. I love to ignite courage to help people make extraordinary choices, which are key to letting go and moving out of the comfort zone, for only then can we grow. When I give someone that final push to fly into their own greatness and they dare to take a leap of faith, my heart is fulfilled.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Photo from Saskia.

Related reading: Successfully Sensitive | Dr. Judith Orloff, Interview | Carrie McCarthy

“The only thing wrong with being sensitive is trying to pretend that you are not.”

~ Jenna Avery

Jenna Avery is a “Life Coach for Sensitive Souls.” Once upon a time, when her life was not going well, she took her high sensitivity in hand and went on a journey of discovery. What she learned along the way to her current successful life has become her Embrace Your Essential Self Home Study Program for highly sensitive people (HSPs). The program progresses through three phases, and a new Phase I is beginning quite soon, on September 19th.

On the web page for Avery’s Home Study Program she shares the story of her journey. I’ve been receiving her e-zine, The Art of Sensitive Living, and had thought of interviewing her, wanting to add her wisdom to Highly Sensitive Power’s collection of interviews with people I consider HSP role models, but now I don’t need to: her powerful story is already there to read.

Whether you decide to participate in Jenna Avery’s Home Study Program for HSPs or not, I hope you’ll check out her website and visit her program’s web page to read her inspiring and empowering story.

When did you discover that you are a highly sensitive person (HSP)?

I’ve known ever since I can remember. As a child, I always felt things deeply and would cry when watching AT&T or Hallmark commercials and the TV show Lassie. I remember being sensitive to noise and found it hard to sleep if it was noisy. One defining moment was when my third grade teacher wrote on my report card something to the effect of me being “too serious at such a young age” and “sensitive.” Ironically, I believe my third-grade teacher was also highly sensitive!

What is the most wonderful thing for you about being highly sensitive?

It’s made me sensitive to the feelings of others and empathetic and compassionate. I can really feel what someone else is feeling. I also feel a deep appreciation for the little things that others might not notice – various food flavours and nuances in music, for example.

Does being an HSP help you in your work? If so, how?

Yes, in my work as a Life Coach and Intercultural Trainer I think being highly sensitive helps me intuit more easily what the client’s situation is and what they need.

What words of encouragement would you most like to give other HSPs?

Every trait has positives and negatives. The gift in being highly sensitive is that you can notice, appreciate, and feel more. I would suggest honouring your high sensitivity with self-care based on what you know about yourself and what you need. At the same time, it’s important to venture out of your comfort zone by putting yourself in situations that may not be your preference, but from which you can learn and grow. Don’t use your high sensitivity as an excuse to not try new things. And find work where this trait is an asset.

What are three books that you consider favourites, that you really love?

That’s a challenging question, as I love so many!

• Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires, by Esther and Jerry Hicks
• Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue (Book 1), by Neale Donald Walsch
• Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia, by Elizabeth Gilbert

When did you discover that you are highly sensitive and what was that process like for you? How did you make the discovery?

I discovered that I had the trait around the year 2000. A friend of mine, who’s also highly sensitive, gave me Elaine Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Personbecause she thought I was probably highly sensitive, too. She was right. I read the book and recognized myself, some other people I knew, and some of my clients. It was an enlightening discovery, like pieces in a puzzle finally fitting together. It’s been exciting, positive, and incredibly helpful.

Who are the people who have been the most supportive and accepting of you and your HSP traits?

Friends who are also HSPs have been supportive, but so have friends who are not HSPs but are empathetic types. I have a cousin who’s a teacher. She’s an HSP who knew about the trait before I did. She’s always been very supportive, encouraging me to design seminars to educate teachers about the trait. And there was a continuing education programmer, years ago, to whom I mentioned the trait of high sensitivity. She identified with it and suggested I submit a proposal to teach a seminar on the topic. I did, and that’s how I got started teaching seminars for HSPs.

Have you had any highly sensitive role models? If so, who and why?

The one that comes to mind is Elaine Aron, whom I admire greatly. Her books, her research, her newsletters – there’s enough there that gives me what I want from a role model: someone who’s gone before, who’s done research, who’s written and been published on the topic, who’s already out there as an HSP, who’s given talks about it, and who knows the strengths and weaknesses of the trait and the strategies that help adult and children HSPs thrive.

Would you say that you make a living using your highly sensitive traits? If so, how does being highly sensitive help you do it?

Yes, I definitely make a living using my HSP traits. When I’m doing one-to-one counselling, my acute awareness, empathy, and pattern recognition abilities make me an attuned and highly functioning helper. Being an HSP helps me choose and custom-design the strategies I use to help my clients reach their goals. HSPs excel at perceiving what others need and adapting to provide it. Ethics are very important to HSPs and vital in the field of counselling – so it’s second nature to me to put the best interests of my clients first.

I also use my HSP traits when I’m teaching or facilitating groups. I’m acutely aware of what’s going on in a group and can figure out what to do that will help the group be comfortable and that will provide the learning they wanted in a way that suits them.

When I was a medical researcher I used my pattern recognition abilities to help me with statistical analysis, which was a moderate fit for an HSP. I still use those pattern recognition skills when I read and evaluate published research to keep up with changes in my current profession as a counsellor.

Over the years, I’ve learned to use my HSP skills when making decisions about developing my career. HSPs are usually cautious, intuitive, and fact-based decision makers who are able to see trends, see how things connect to form a bigger picture, forecast the future, self-lead, take smart risks, and lead others. I think having those qualities helps me in my career in many ways.

What challenges have you faced in the process of developing your career? How have you managed to work through those challenges?

Three challenges in particular come to mind. The first one was that I chose a poorly fitting first career – nursing. It’s a fine career for those that fit it, but I didn’t, for many reasons. I chose nursing before I’d heard about the trait of high sensitivity, before I knew myself well, and when there were few female role models in other careers. Also, I talked to an advisor instead of a career counsellor before making the decision to be a nurse. I wish I had known then that nursing is about hands-on task helping, and not really about process helping, at which I excel. Another sign that nursing was a poor fit for me was that I couldn’t identify with the other nurses. I had nothing in common with them. The environment itself, with its trauma and disturbing smells, sights, and sounds, was not right for an HSP. And health care is based on a hierarchical model, which is not usually compatible with the HSP nature. Although nursing didn’t work out for me, I learned how to better choose a career by what I didn’t do: know myself; find role models and a good career counsellor; and use facts, informational interviews, and job shadowing as the basis for decision-making, not just feelings.

The second challenge I’ve had is a typical one for HSPs: being misunderstood by others, as well as by myself. Other people were constantly attributing my intentions incorrectly, misinterpreting my quietness, hesitation, and inner analyzing process. They often would not listen to my ideas or perceptions about people, and did not believe I was smart enough to do statistical analysis and other abstract processes. I was actually a gifted child, put in the “smart kid class” in grade eight. Sometimes I believed people’s misinterpretations of me and labelled myself negatively when I really shouldn’t have. Since those times, I’ve learned how to trust my intuition and my intellect, through getting second opinions from people I trust, and collecting other confirming data. I’ve also learned how to accept and validate myself, especially my HSP traits, and I spend more time with other HSPs, with whom I feel understood and have a sense of belonging. Also, when appropriate, I find ways to explain or demonstrate the strengths of this trait to non-HSPs.

The third challenge for me in my career was public speaking, which tends to be a real challenge for HSPs. I had an early beginning with meeting this challenge, though. My father is a teacher, and when I was growing up he was always teaching me things. The content of what he taught me didn’t stick because the topics were about concrete things I don’t have an aptitude for, like fixing cars and building boats, but I absorbed the process of how one teaches. In high school, I tutored another student and loved it. I had an instinct that I might be good at teaching if I could just overcome the overwhelm of being in front of people who are all looking at me and listening to me. Since I knew public speaking was my weakness, I set out to work on getting better at it. I did that by deliberately choosing opportunities to practice speaking in front of people in groups, even though I was terrified. I managed the fear by keeping my sight on my goal, by focusing on learning and improving, and by seeing it all as a surmountable challenge – conquerable through exposure. I can do this, I would say to myself, I just have to practice. I did improve and that kept me going. It helped, too, that early on I got a lot of positive feedback when I spoke to groups. In all three of my careers – nursing, medical research, and counselling – I always got positive feedback from people when I gave presentations. That helped me persist. That was the reward – having the positive feedback. In fact, I think many HSPs can learn how to speak in front of a group, even if they don’t believe they can or are very anxious. It’s a learning process that comes with great rewards.

What issue related to being highly sensitive would you most like to have help with?

I’d love to have help with empowering more HSPs. Empowered HSPs can help everyone by designing a better society. We need to design better towns and villages; ways of mastering technology; systems regarding health care, education, food, and the environment; and ways of making a living, communicating, partnering, parenting, and leading. Sometimes HSPs are like the canaries in the coal mines that miners used as an early warning system. Elaine Aron writes about studies of highly sensitive animals that provide early warnings to other animals, that notice danger and dysfunction before the others, which can save the group as a whole. Often, HSPs have the creative, long-term problem-solving abilities and wise, big-picture view needed in a situation. And often we are uncomfortable about offering our expertise, about stepping into a leadership role that would give us the power to make decisions, influence systems, and redesign things that aren’t working. (Just read the book Collapse, by Jared Diamond, and you’ll see what things are not working and haven’t worked for many cultures.) Once we HSPs have honed our leadership skills and found our confidence in leadership roles, we can offer the wise advisor style of leading that Aron describes as a necessary balance to the warrior king ways of non-HSPs. Those two styles of leadership working together enable cultures to thrive in the long term. In my seminars I teach leadership skills to HSPs, and I provide counselling and coaching to HSPs to help empower them. I consider that just a start. I would love to reach and empower even more HSPs, and I welcome greater media exposure, business contacts, and advice that will enable me to do so.

I’d also love to have help with having a nice environment in which to live. If someone can make Vancouver smaller and quieter again, or build an HSP-friendly village or town within it, let me know. An HSP village would be great. I imagine it as being very quiet, but with lots of interesting activity. There are quaint homes and stores, and there’s a university. The village is beautiful, close to water, has lots and lots of green space and many trees, and there are cycling paths and woods, and comfortable benches to sit on. You can walk to everything, yet it’s still got everything that’s needed. There are community and cultural centres, and several plazas where no cars are allowed. Homes are affordable and attractive, and each has its own space for growing vegetables or flowers, as the residents wish. There are places that sell really good chocolate, really good books, and beautiful cards, and places that provide peace and privacy and rejuvenation. There are interesting and satisfying places to work and to play. Alternative and preventive health care facilities and good schools are plentiful. Technology and traffic are reduced. There’s enough parking and it’s free. The cafés have inner courtyards. There’s no intrusive noise or music allowed anywhere. There are no televisions in public places. If there’s music in any public place, like a restaurant, it’s very soft and soothing and in the background so you don’t have to strain to have a conversation above it. There’s a lot of personal space at every level of society, lots of physical distance in all the physical places inside, with tables in restaurants not being so close that elbows bump. And, of course, everyone is respectful, good manners being something HSPs highly value.

What aspects of being highly sensitive bring you the most joy?

I want to say my deep appreciation for the arts, but there’s more to it than that. Subtleties attract me, like the interesting timbre of someone’s speaking voice or laugh, the sound of a bike riding fast over wooden boards, the sparkling sunlight path on water, the sweet fragrance of scotch broom in April, beautiful décor or architecture, gardens, woods, paintings, music, the rhythm and sound of the waves near Tofino, the beauty of certain words strung together adeptly, certain colours that look just right, or even the just-right temperature I feel as I walk or sit for a while. I also appreciate the deeper, meaningful conversations we HSPs tend to fall into, and I enjoy humour that’s subtly amusing and clever. I love not being overstimulated or understimulated. I feel the most joy in those rare moments when what I’m noticing with my five senses and my brain is in the “just-right” zone.

What words of encouragement would you most like to give other HSPs?

We have so many natural strengths to offer. Let’s support each other and work together to create what we need, including acceptance – being treasured and valued by the culture at large.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

I would suggest to HSPs to find other HSPs to spend time with, for so many reasons. Being with other HSPs brings validation and a sense of belonging. You can be yourself and feel more relaxed. You can feel heard and understood. It helps you to be even more aware of your strengths and the different ways you can use them. With other HSPs, it’s easy and rewarding to brainstorm, to tap into and create synergy, that bigger something that comes into play when individuals create together.

Also, I want to say that the way I became a highly functioning HSP was by confronting, not avoiding difficult things, and by finding more ways of using my strengths. And that’s what I wish for other HSPs, too.

What are three books that you consider favourites, that you really love?

• The Audacity of Hope, by Barack Obama, for the author’s rare leadership qualities.
• The God of Small Things, by Arundhati Roy, for the author’s ability to weave threads of narrative and for the book’s haunting beauty, for taking me into another world.
• Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed, by Jared Diamond, which I found validating, thought-provoking, disturbing, and enlightening.

Photo from Pam Catapia