1. They cut to the chase and instantly see two options I can choose from rather than the 3,327 options I had been grappling with. I’m so thankful then because I suddenly see how to take action.
2. They tease me about my sensitivities in ways that are very loving and accepting and, in the process, help me take myself less seriously. (Non-HSP: “Okay, since I’m ready to leave the house, that must mean it’ll take you ten more minutes of sock wrinkle abatement and whatnot. No problem. I’ll be reading in the living room. Honk the horn when you’re in the car with your hand on the key.”)
3. They understand and accept my tongue-in-cheek motto – “Adjustments Must Be Made” – and even say it out loud themselves when they’re trying to understand me. (“Are you going to be fiddling around with the pillows during the entire DVD, or what? Oh, right, ‘Adjustments Must Be Made.’ I’ll wait.”)
4. They ask me for help, knowing I see things in a way they don’t, then listen with an open mind.
5. They get things done quickly when time is of the essence and when I would have taken a long time so as to make quadruply sure I didn’t leave anything out or undone, on principle, rather than because it really mattered.
6. They help me in social situations, by holding my hand and doing the talking for both of us while I get my bearings, or checking up on me regularly, or introducing me to a quiet friend they think I’ll like.
7. They are the same as me. When I notice their sameness, our common traits, and the many ways we are alike, it reminds me that together we are a whole and healthy humanity, a combination of samenesses and differences that works. We are peas in the same human pod and I’m glad to be here with them. I’m glad we are a we.

Related reading: Specifics Trump Stereotypes, Book | Kinship with All Life

Flickr photo: together, by eflon

What’s it like to work with a highly sensitive professional? My own experiences have been marvellous and life-changing. The flurry of activity Jenna Avery and I are in the thick of as we bring The Sensitive Professionals Network further into the public eye offer a good example.

When Jenna and I work together, I relax into the process in a way that’s unique and that I often experience when I collaborate and work with other HSPs. The quality and depth of our collaboration continually please and amaze me. Here are some of the specific and positive qualities I’ve noticed as we’ve worked together:

• We listen to each other. No issue is too odd or too small or too hot to delve into. And when we’ve delved, the project and our relationship are better.
• We solicit each other’s opinions. We genuinely want to know what the other person thinks and we value our perspectives, even when they’re different, which they often are.
• We bend as needed. There’s blessedly little ego in the collaboration. We each have the ability and willingness to move aside and let the project be the star.
• When we disagree, no one has to win. We set the topic aside and gather more information. Or we wait. Or one of us simply lets go. There’s no winner and no loser. Only forward motion.
• We have lots and lots to say to each other. Any scheduled phone conversation can go into overtime, and often does, simply because there’s so much to share. The tangents are multitudinous and must be kept in check. It’s a great feeling to know there’s an infinity of richness to tap into when we get together.
• We learn from each other. Although we’re the same in some very foundational ways – through our shared high sensitivity – we’re very different in other ways and we’re both open to learning and teaching. I’m getting a great education through this collaboration.

Try it for yourself. Browse the directory listings on The Sensitive Professionals Network (SPN) website or consider listing yourself as available for connecting to other HSPs. We’ll soon start accepting new directory listings– we’ll announce it on the SPN website. In the meantime, if you haven’t already, you can receive our gift of the Success Checklist for Sensitive Professionals by taking our survey (the survey will close this Thursday, March 25, at 7 Eastern Time).

Related reading: Highly Sensitive Havens, Narrative Medicine

Flickr photo: Good Friends, by Juliana Coutinho

How could I not be drawn to Sarah Seidelmann and Suzi Vandersteen? As designers, they guide clients to find the sweet spot where self-acceptance meets great design. As unabashed emissaries of friendship and play, they teach self-exploration and design recovery through entertainment. They laugh, they whoop it up, and they invite whole people to join the party – all our bits are not only welcome, but necessary.

Suzi and Sarah’s design business is Kitchee Gammi Design Company. Joy Junket is their amusement park of a website.

In what way are you most successfully sensitive?

I think what we do really well is that when we have the initial meeting with the client we carefully gather information regarding what’s important to them in terms of the space we’re designing. Then we interpret all the information and collaborate with them on the design. With each update and new idea presented we watch carefully for reactions and feedback so we know when to make changes in the plan and when to reassure the client.

What or who has inspired you to embrace your sensitivity?

Probably responding to and working with many of our clients who had worked with other artists and designers who didn’t listen carefully to their needs and concerns. We feel design is intensely personal and intimate, and we’re privileged to be asked to work with people in their homes. The fact that we’re both always working towards spiritual progress (not perfection) leads us to listen carefully to everyone we work with, from clients to sub-contractors. We then, of course, take those data points and feed them into the design filter of Kitchee Gammi Design Company, resulting in a design that reflects the collaboration.

What are your eternal fascinations?

Beauty, function, the infinite possibilities inherent in how different people live in their homes, nature, good flea markets (treasure hunting), other businesses that bring their own points of view and have fun doing it, fashion, travel to exotic locales (Istanbul, India, Japan …), the makings of a good party, new food finds – essentially all the creative arts and the infinite offerings of new creations that we see every day.

What quest currently captivates you?

Finding a balance between work, play, and family, as all the variables are constantly changing.

We realize that many people don’t need a COUCH, they need a COACH to help them realign with their heart’s desires, so we’ve added coaching services to our menu. Sarah is currently doing additional coaching training with Oprah’s Martha Beck and is freaked out by how limitless personal transformation is.

What is your favourite kind of help to give?

We love to encourage others to live beautifully on their own terms: Don’t do what we do. Do what you do! And we love to encourage fun and laughter all along the way.

Related Reading: Successfully Sensitive | Dolly Hopkins, Book | A Pattern Language

My copy of Warren Berger’s book bristles with Post-It Notes. Its full title is Glimmer: How Design Can Transform Your Life, Your Business, and Maybe Even the World and it features the visionary ideas of Bruce Mau, along with other designers and thinkers on the topic. I’m forcing myself to stop at page 50 and recommend it to you right now. It’s important.

I have a new theory: highly sensitive people (HSPs) are perfectly suited for being designers. I’m so convinced that we’re extremely valuable precisely because of our various traits, and this book supports that idea in many different ways.

The innate curiosity, complex thinking abilities, and long-viewing we’re capable of as HSPs puts us within sight of visions that are out there, but that might actually work.

What if we saw ourselves as capable and effective at designing the world we want to live in? What if we start with the assumption that we’re built to press our faces up against the outer edge of the envelope and look beyond, to reach out and grasp what didn’t exist until we thought to touch it?

By relying on “abductive reasoning,” or the ability to think about and picture what might be, designers can glimpse possibilities that lie on the other side of the fence.
~ Warren Berger, Glimmer

Designers “live in an expansive world where they believe the only thing limiting us is the stuff we haven’t figured out yet. And they’re excited about it. You’ll hear them say things like, ‘I’m working on this really cool problem that has no answer!’ That’s what they live for.”
~ Roger Martin, Dean of the Rotman School of Management, as quoted in Glimmer

We need you. We need you. We need you. Your valuable ideas, your whacky imaginings, your unpolished, half-formed, rough, barely describable flights of fancy contain miracles with the leverage to change the trajectory of the planet.

What we’ve found is, if someone has an enthusiasm or curiosity about many different disciplines, then they can be more flexible, more empathetic, and more engaged with the world.
~ Tim Brown, IDEO’s Chief Executive, as quoted in Glimmer

Find some way to pursue what intrigues you. Never mind if no one else is intrigued. That’s the point. Be first. Be brave. Be so curious you drench yourself in questions and come out cleansed, a gift cradled in your hands.

Feeling lost on a project can be the first step toward finding an original solution.
~ Warren Berger, Glimmer

Related reading: Bruce Mau Design’s Manifesto for Growth, Creativity Prompts Compendium

Denise thrives in her work as a professional communitarian (she’s inspired me to invent a new word), fostering connections as an event planner for Metzger Associates and the founder of ChicksWhoClick.net – a system of one-day networking conferences in different cities, to help people “Create. Connect. Collaborate.” on the topics of social networking, technology, and empowerment.

For information, including upcoming conference details, see the Chicks Who Click website. For inspiration and profiles, see the Chicks Who Click blog.

In what way are you most successfully sensitive?

With this current project – Chicks Who Click, being successfully sensitive has to do with being open-minded, inclusive, and energized. I’m enjoying building and facilitating an online community of like-minded women. Through our conferences we’re empowering, educating, and facilitating an important and lively conversation. It is hugely rewarding to watch an idea take shape just as I had envisioned it would. To witness a community collaborating and connecting in this space is completely encouraging and stimulating.

What or who has inspired you to embrace your sensitivity?

Becoming a mother and raising a son is a big contributor to me embracing my sensitivity. The caring and compassion that emerges with my children is like no other experience. When I have to stop and realize that I’m not the number one priority anymore and that someone is counting on me to be present and to be a role model, that definitely forces me to take a step back and think about putting my best foot forward.

What are your eternal fascinations?

Exploring the world through the colors, the people, and the cultures. It completely energizes me to see how other people live and to be able to contrast that with my life. Being able to incorporate customs, flavors, and aesthetics from other regions of the world is enthralling to me.

What quest currently captivates you?

Being whole and balanced, feeling comfortable in my skin, embracing my chronological progression, staying young at heart, constantly striving for intellectual challenge, opening my heart and giving back to my community.

What is your favourite kind of help to give?

I am a connector of people. I love to network and bring people together either through common interests or from complete opposite walks of life. It’s amazing how much we can all learn from each other.

Photo from Chicks Who Click site.

Related reading: Successfully Sensitive | Samantha Reynolds, WORK Is Not a Four-Letter Word

We’re also products of different cultures. (I’ve often thought of charging admission to some of our entertaining conversations: the optimistic, anything-is-possible American (me) exchanging views with the pessimistic Cold-War-era German from West Berlin.)

To cut through all of our (various, hilarious, absurd, genuine) objections to any proposed plan for having fun together, we’ve invented our own version of the blind date.

Here’s an example of how it works:

• He: “Gracie, what are you doing on Saturday night?”
• Me: (Shrugging) “Nothing, I guess. What’s up?”
  He: “Then we’ll leave around 7:45 – right after dinner.”
• Me: (Perking up) “Cool. What should I wear?”
  He: “Nice, but not fancy. And dress warmly.”
• Me: “You do that on purpose, don’t you? Just to torture me with too little information.”
• He: (Folds his arms and smirks)
• Me: “Oh, well. What do I care? If it’s a blind date, you’re paying, right?”
• He: “Yup.”

Our rules are:

• The person who invites pays (this minimizes objections from the invitee).
• The person who invites aims to please the invitee, even if unexpectedly so.
• The person who invites is not required to tell any more than is strictly necessary.
• The person who accepts the invitation doesn’t complain.

We’ve both been wowed and charmed as the “blind” person in the equation, escorted to experiences we’d never have chosen – or even agreed to – had we known in advance what they’d be. And we’ve both had the gleeful pleasure of the visionary escort, crafting experiences that delight us both.

Like traditional blind dates, our version opens up possibilities. Unlike the traditional version – thankfully – we know we’ll be spending time with someone we already love.

This version of blind dating works with all kinds of relationships, not only romantic ones. Evolve it for your own best use. And report back here, would you? I’d love to know how things go.

Flickr photo: Blind Light, by Anthony Gormley, on ricoeurian’s Flickr page as within the fog…

Related reading: Funny Practice, How to Mingle at a Party | Tips for the Timid

Part of the attraction is my own nature (after all, my Style Statement is Timeless Connection), but another big part has to do with the direction our collective consciousness seems to be heading these days – toward global viewpoints and collaboration at all levels.

In addition to getting my fix through working and playing with collaborators on a regular basis, I’ve been reading about the topic. Organizing Genius: The Secrets of Creative Collaboration, by Warren Bennis and Patricia Ward Biederman, offers these 15 top lessons about Great Groups:

1. Greatness starts with superb people.
2. Great Groups and great leaders create each other.
3. Every Great Group has a strong leader.
4. The leaders of Great Groups love talent and know where to find it.
5. Great Groups are full of talented people who can work together.
6. Great Groups think they are on a mission from God.
7. Every Great Group is an island – but an island with a bridge to the mainland.
8. Great Groups see themselves as winning underdogs.
9. Great Groups always have an enemy.
10. People in Great Groups have blinders on.
11. Great Groups are optimistic, not realistic.
12. In Great Groups the right person has the right job.
13. The leaders of Great Groups give them what they need and free them from the rest.
14. Great Groups ship.
15. Great work is its own reward.

For more about Organizing Genius, see this Inc. article by the book’s authors: “The Secrets of Creative Collaboration.”

Flickr photo: do your own thing, by notsogoophotography.

Related reading: Highly Sensitive Havens

]]> http://www.highlysensitivepower.com/2009/04/creative-collaboration-in-great-groups/feed/ 5