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Inner Dialogues

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

More than a year ago I wrote an article on writing out conversations between myself and the wiser part of me – “Conversations Between Me and U.” The tool of having dialogues with myself has been so useful, and in such surprising ways, that I want to tell you how it’s evolved. While exploring Lora […]

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Style Statement Buddy

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I’m big on buddies. One of my best buds, Carrie McCarthy, wrote a short article called “Style Statement Buddy” on her website. It includes a great how-to list for setting up a weekly buddy call and reaping the benefits.

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Specifics Trump Stereotypes

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Our landlord, who lives downstairs, is a 70-year-old Chinese man who’s a crazy-great ballroom dancer. He’s gotten several patents on inventions he’s made since he retired. He sings heavily accented cheesy 70s pop hits at the top of his lungs and he’s pretty good at it (my husband and I always stop to listen). He […]

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The Benevolent Love Bomb

Monday, June 29, 2009

The term “love bomb” has an iffy pedigree, an association with cults and the recruitment of love-starved loners. I went on the offensive and love-bombed him. Sparkly sparkle charm quarks pinging out of my eyes, gosh he was the nicest man I had met all day ping ping, I would be so grateful for any […]

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Dare to Be Vulnerable

Monday, June 1, 2009

What keeps us from showing our vulnerabilities? For me, it’s the fear of being teased or derided or – worst of all – pitied. Better to be on the safe side and keep my true but imperfect self hidden, I reason, rather than expose myself to ridicule. Sad choice. And one I must now argue […]

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Blind Dates Grow Up

Monday, May 18, 2009

My husband and I are both … hmm … how shall I put this? Let’s go with finely tuned and move on. We’re also products of different cultures. (I’ve often thought of charging admission to some of our entertaining conversations: the optimistic, anything-is-possible American (me) exchanging views with the pessimistic Cold-War-era German from West Berlin.) […]

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Stay Afloat with Healthy Boundaries

Monday, April 20, 2009

How do you keep a grip on the real you when the salty surf of a tense interaction smacks your starboard side? When the folks around you make waves with their alien communication styles, fervent demands, or weird displays of power, you need healthy boundary skills that pop to the surface like a life preserver. […]

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A Forgiving Tale

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Once upon a time, there was a brash young woman who thought she had answers, the answers, enlightening answers. She considered it her responsibility to share her brilliant revelations with the people closest to her, even though she knew they would be deeply hurt. “The truth is the truth,” she told herself. “They need to […]

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Are We in Community?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Are we in community together, you and I, even if I don’t know you’re reading this? Even if I don’t know where you are? Even if the sound of your voice remains a mystery to me and you’ll never see my eyes light up when you walk into the room? Are we in community even […]

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Love’s Slope

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Scree slopes of little moments compose the mountains of our relationships. We slide around, grabbing for footholds. We stretch out our arms for balance, fall, and lift handfuls of history. The ugly dress she wore on the first date. The way he held the hurt bird. The clouds that day. The small bed. Your brother’s […]

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Differentiation and Intimacy

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Differentiation is the process of holding on to one’s self while connecting with others. As a path to true intimacy differentiation is hard to beat. Which is not to say that the path is all shining sun and roses, but committing to being true to one’s self, particularly when there’s pressure not to, brings deep […]

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